Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
