hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
