Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
