I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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