exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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