your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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