The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
