i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
