I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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