Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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