I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
