That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
