real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
