it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
