Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
