I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
