Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
