I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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