I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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