i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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