dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I could make wine with my vomit
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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