foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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