make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
