i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
