So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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