I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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