He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
