I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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