Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
