She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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