At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
