I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
