in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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