This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
