when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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