Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
