I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
