I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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