The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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