Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
