I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
