are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
