i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
