it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
