I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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