All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A bitchslap is in order.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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