my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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