my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sex in a hospital.. check
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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