I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
