It's Friday. Sex?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
