You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
