Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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