haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
