some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
