So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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