I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
