Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
