My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
