thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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