You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
