His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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