dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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