talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
