And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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