STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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