1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
