My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
