Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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