...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You did what with his pubic hair?
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