Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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