I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
