Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
