He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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