he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
