you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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