I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
