i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
